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Mothers. Women who have born children. Despite assumptions to the contrary, we are not all alike. I read some essays by mothers this morning and none of them captured my experience as a mother. One similarity I am pretty sure of, however—that the reality seldom matches the sweet, sanitized version presented on Mother’s Day. Who can be June Cleaver? But the image sticks with you and sometimes you find yourself thinking that perfection was the goal.
Motherhood has changed my life in so many ways, both insignificant and profound, a lot of them unanticipated. That may be another way in which many of us are alike. Who can prepare you for it—for the overwhelming responsibility, the exhaustion, the feeling that my body and my life are no longer my own? For love that is almost painful and for unavoidable heartache? But then there’s the joy and the fun and the moments you would not trade for anything. And most of all there are these amazing human beings that you helped into this world. On Mother’s Day I think a lot about ways I failed and things I would do differently if I could. I think I’m doing a much better job as a mother of adult children and a grandmother than I did in earlier years. Of course it’s easier. My children are absolutely wonderful people, who live lives I am proud of and fill my life with love. This proves nothing about my mothering. Terrible parents have kids who turn out great, and great parents have kids who turn out terrible. I think I was probably somewhere between terrible and great, but they are great anyway. Without my children I would have had more money, a better job, far less anxiety, more time to go to the gym or get my nails done, freedom to do what I wanted. I am everlastingly grateful that they did not allow me to have that life. Today is Mother’s Day, a day when I celebrate my children and the profound ways in which they have changed me and enriched my life. --Terese
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January 2022
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