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My closest encounter with police occurred when I was 15 years old. My best friend and I were spending the night at my older, married sister's house because my dad and stepmom wouldn't let me have overnight company at our home. Being the generous, with-it sister she was, Karen gave Janet and me each one cigarette and one beer to share. "Just don't leave the house," she said, before she went to bed. Of course, we consumed the beer and choked on the cigarettes, then sometime after midnight sneaked out of the house. We walked two or three miles across town to an all-night convenience store near my house to purchase toilet paper. A boy from school that I had a crush on lived a couple of blocks from the store. I was irritated with him for some reason now lost to me, and wanted to get his attention--anonymously. We created a spectacular display of TP art in his front yard, before we started the trek back to Karen's house. About halfway there, a police car turned the corner onto the block we were walking on. At first we froze, unsure what to do. Then they flashed their lights and Janet took off, running across an open field nearby. I tried to follow suit, but I was too stunned to move very quickly, and I didn't get far. Janet soon tripped and fell in the dark, scratched up and wet from the dewy grass. We were whisked into the squad car and questioned by the two officers until we admitted we'd been out to "roll" someone's house. The officers said they'd been on the way to investigate a report of a robbery in the area and wanted us to direct them to the house we'd just decorated to confirm our story. It was at least a mile or more away. "You girls came a long way," one of them remarked with a whistle. When we got there, one of the officers said, "Wow! That's a great job. But you'll have to call the boy in the morning and tell him how his house got rolled. Then you need to clean it up." When we pulled back up in Karen's driveway around 3:00 am and Karen had been roused from bed to let us in the house, she pursed her lips, thanked the officers, and ordered us to bed. She never mentioned this incident again. When I called A.J. the next day to take credit for our artistry, I offered to clean up the mess. "Oh, my dad made me clean it up already," he said. I don't remember if our late-night escapade had the intended effect on A.J., but I'll never forget my brush with the law. --Janice
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After my sophomore year in college I took a break and worked for two years at the OU Health Sciences Center as a lowly receptionist/secretary in the Surgery Department. In my little office area were me, the (renowned) department head Dr. Rainey Williams, his secretary Sharon, and the office manager Betty. Sharon and Betty ran the department, taking care of all of Dr. Williams’ needs, watching over interns and residents, and attending to the many demands from the public and the other physicians on staff. I mainly answered the phone and did some typing. My direct supervisor was Betty. Betty and Sharon were some of the best possible role models I could have had at that point in my life. They coped with everything, from Dr. Williams’ ongoing difficulty working the phone system to the latest resident divorce. Both of them were always calm under pressure, even with the frequent tirades by various doctors on staff and the many crises we encountered. They made everything run smoothly in an incredibly challenging environment. However, some of the greatest lessons were less obvious. I absorbed their very healthy and effective relationship dynamics, in a time when the accepted wisdom was that women could not work together without “cat fights.” Betty’s example was especially important to me. She was middle aged, dressed plainly but professionally, and she kept her hair in a no-fuss style so she could play tennis several times a week. She did not attempt to be “feminine” in the way it was often defined. She was respectful to the powerful men around her but she did not compromise her self-respect, and she set firm although largely invisible limits concerning the way in which she would be spoken to by irritable and/or abusive doctors. She was unfailingly kind to me and protected me from abuse as well. She was demanding but fair. One particular lesson stands out in my mind, however. I always typed all of her dictation, even very brief memos. I just assumed she did not know how to type, but one day I came back from lunch early to find her banging away on the typewriter very proficiently. She saw my puzzled look and told me, “If you want to get ahead in a man’s world, never let them know you can type, or that’s all you will ever be allowed to do.” In a period of self-doubt in my young life, these two women were largely responsible for giving me a new perspective and the confidence to go ahead with my plans. My high school counselor had encouraged me to become a legal secretary because she thought women could not be lawyers, which was my dream. Thanks to Sharon and Betty I left the job at OUHSC to finish my undergraduate degree and enroll in law school. --Terese
1. What changes, that you made in your routine due to COVID. will you keep?
2. What activities did you start? 3. Do you see hopeful things happening? If so, what? 4. What will make you feel safe to go out to eat or to a public place indoors again? 5. Where is the first fun place you will travel to? 6. What's your favorite food? 7. What's your favorite pastime? 8. What's your most memorable encounter with a person of color? 9. What's your favorite childhood memory? --Carolyn In the past that term, "masks", would have brought to mind a masquerade party, or Halloween costumes or even medical personnel. But not anymore; since the pandemic our understanding has changed a lot. Now I find that I am suspicious of persons who don't wear a mask when out in public. The Arizona governor lifted the state wide mask mandate but many cities have not and continue to require masks in public. Chris and I have both had the Pfizer vaccine, both shots, but that doesn't make me feel that we should throw caution to the wind. I'm concerned that the "herd immunity" many are counting on is not that reliable yet. As the Queen of Denial I never realized how transparent my mask was to the world around me in the years that our family lived with alcoholism. Karla praises me for "holding us together" during those years, and I did work my butt off keeping up appearances. By the time Ray and Karla were leaving home and I decided to get off that Merry go Round the question I heard was not "what happened" but "what took you so long". That really made me feel I needed to start being a lot more honest with myself. I started in the AlAnon program a couple of years after the divorce. A few years of listening to the brutal honesty from the others in those rooms taught me about facing myself. I also learned that reality is a lot easier to live with than any fantasy life. But it also made it more difficult for me to be part of a "social" group where I have to hide my true thoughts and feelings. I have no patience with social faces and keeping up appearances any longer. Since I have been so isolated during the pandemic I may be pricklier that I was before. Maybe I'm becoming that cactus that is difficult to hug! Perfect for Arizona! --donna PS. Hope that doesn't add to your stress!! Masks during covid are only interesting because of all the ruckus about them. What a dumb thing to make into a political issue. I don’t know what we are coming to if we are that stupid. The more interesting kind of mask is the type we wear to conceal our real selves. Babies don’t wear a mask and are completely transparent about their feelings. Obviously we can’t continue like that if we are to function in society. So we learn to wear the socially appropriate mask. We may have to be pleasant to unpleasant people or act like we feel fine when we don’t. Sometimes we wear role-related masks such as a professional persona that doesn’t show our lack of confidence. Sometimes my mom role is a mask because I have to set aside what’s really happening with me in order to take care of the kids or grandkids. I wear this mask less often now that my kids are grown. Some people wear masks to keep them from knowing themselves. That’s sad and can cause all kinds of pain and destruction. It’s important to have people with whom we can really be ourselves and not wear a mask at all. This group is like that for me. I almost never wear a mask with my husband. He gets to see the good, the bad, and the ugly, but he loves me anyway. --Terese Masks serve a multitude of purposes--some literal and some figurative. We all wear figurative masks at times. In a polite society, it's a necessity if we want to get along with each other. We hide our fears, our anger, and sometimes even our love, if we feel our emotion is inappropriate for a situation. It's a sign that we care about acceptance and want to spare another person what may be harmful or uncomfortable for them. In 2020, we learned to wear literal masks anytime we went outside our homes. As families, we went mask-less and shared both our germs and our fears, anger, and love. The masks we wore outside our homes signified concern for others, as well as ourselves. In a polite society, that concern for each other is valued, at least by some. While there are those whose concern for themselves and their "freedoms" outweigh their concerns for the welfare of others, I've found most people I encounter share my desire to safeguard our community's health. Since I'm fully immunized, I'm not at great risk of contracting the circulating Coronavirus variants (yet). My mask demonstrates love for my neighbor, whether my neighbor appreciates my efforts or not. I'll continue to wear my mask as long as pandemic dangers persist and will let it hide both my literal and figurative emanations. --Janice Yesterday, the day before Easter, had all the commotion, bunnies and eggs and neighbors with noisy relatives, and a bright shiny warm day to be outside. And Svea was here, first time in a year, a great time together! But today is Easter Sunday and there’s no one on the golf course, none of the neighbors are having parties, no wandering Easter bunnies, and the candy is gone. There is only peace left after all the pre-celebrating. I sit quietly on my deck, knitting my counted cable stitches and listening to the dozens of different bird calls in the air. I listened to an extraordinary sermon earlier from my pastor Kara, the first Easter sermon I have ever heard in terms of a love story. So beautiful! I sent a link to Kent to listen also, and he sent back a beautiful message about feeling close to Jesus. Peace, hope, love, family, that is a resurrection I can believe in, a resurrection that propels me forth into the days ahead, a springtime of new life. --Cynthia It is becoming more apparent to me that I have a great deal to learn before I shall have any success at all. At this point, I am thinking it is going to take years!! We have a large paving stone and cement parking place/patio/parking space that is 22ft. X 64 ft surrounded by a block fence. This area has Southern exposure with full sun. We have a beautiful tree on the West end of the enclosure which gives a lovely shade from about 2pm on into the evening. I had thought to build raised beds from clocks, like I had in Tulsa. Fortunately, Karla squashed that plan quickly. I really don't need to be hauling tons of stones to build anything. But I do want to have raised beds for growing veggies and things. My next best bet for this year will be very large pots. I have a beautiful agave just waiting for me to make up my mind about which colors to choose. The large pots are expensive and will be with me for a long time. So I am going to wait until I have a patio plan in place to buy them. I have a few pots, medium to small, for rosemary and parsley, my thyme has already burned to a crisp and the geraniums are holding on. The little succulents are pretty and seem to be doing ok in their little garden. the brass rabbit seems happy too. --donna |
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January 2022
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