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I grew up in the Episcopal church, so I was baptized as an infant and only allowed to take communion after confirmation at about age 12. There were classes led by the priest in preparation, and a catechism to memorize. Finally the day came, and the bishop came to our church to confirm us and serve us our first communion. I remember that he was in robes of gold and white, that he had a booming voice (like I imagined God’s voice to be), and that there seemed to be a light shining all around him as he approached. We knelt at the altar, and as he served communion to me I experienced a transcendent moment. It was as if the angels were singing all around and God had touched me. I don’t know to what extent God was actually involved in all of that. I was of an age and temperament where I could have easily produced that entire event internally and convinced myself it was true. But I don’t suppose it matters. It was significant to me and I remember it clearly 55 years later. In the Episcopal church Jesus was thought to be present in the bread and wine in some mystical manner. Communion was a sacrament, “an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace,” according to the catechism. I always experienced it as such. Later, as a young adult in a different kind of church I was taught that communion was a memorial to Jesus and a reminder that he had died to save us from our sins. And a good thing he did, or we would all be headed for hell. I was quite thankful during communion at this stage of my life. Now I think about a lot of things differently. I do not believe that Jesus died to prevent me from being sent to hell as I deserve. That entire theology of atonement is abhorrent to me. For me now, communion is a reminder that Jesus literally gave his body and his blood, but he did it to demonstrate something about God. God stands in solidarity with those who are suffering. Communion reminds me that we are called to give our bodies (and sometimes even our blood) to stand with them as well, and to extend the love of God to them. --Terese
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January 2022
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