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Once upon a time, in a faraway nation called Sarsville, there was a small, shape-shifting horned bat named “Corona.” At just 19, Corona had already had an unhappy life. Because of his oddly shaped horn with a twist on the end like a soft-serve ice cream cone, all the kids at school made fun of him. They called him “Twister“ and pulled hard on his horn, then let it go so it would twist right back up with a snap. They were very cruel. While Corona could change his shape, no matter how hard he tried, he could not change his horn’s shape. Corona decided to strike out on his own, far from Sarsville to a mythical place called Murrica, where he was determined to become a famous television star on “The Assistant” reality show where the show’s contestants were promised they could “Make Assistants Gritty Again” by piling fake compliments on their boss and making him richer and richer—even richer than Murrica’s politician billionaires. In order to get on the show, Corona took the shape of a handsome, muscle-bound male human and stuffed his horn under the same MAGA hat all the contestants wore. He just knew he would be a big success in Murrica! After all, Corona was a social media whiz and had made a name for himself on a platform called “FaceMask,” where he posted a lot of outlandish stories that people took seriously. Once, he even made up a story about shining Quanon laser light beams into his nose to cure hiccups. Some people tried it and burned their noses clean off. The crazier the story, the more people believed it, and that made Corona laugh. Sheeple are so stupid! On the television show, Corona competed with a team of other contestants that included a beautiful female human called Remy Desivir, who had eyes like blue glass marbles and long, silky iridescent hair. The team was creating marketing plans for two new products their orange-skinned boss had thrown together, called GOYA Green and Modernavax. GOYA was an energy drink that was supposed to pump up the productivity and strength of ordinary humans. The assistants called the product “methavax” and joked that it was a rip-off when the boss wasn’t listening. Corona put lots of fake news stories on FaceMask about how good GOYA Green was, though, and people bought it by the gallon. The assistants were still running tests on Modernavax, and weren’t yet sure what it did or how to market it. Corona developed a crush on beautiful Remy, but he didn’t know how humans flirted with each other, and when he tried to sniff her ears and suck on her neck, as a young male bat would do to a female bat, she slapped him. “Get away from me, you twisted creep,” she shouted. This made Corona angry. He’d been called twisted far too long! “I’ve done a very beautiful job on the show,” he told Remy. “I’ve done more for this show than anyone else ever has, but you don’t appreciate it. Sad.” “If you come near me again, you’ll be sorry.” Remy threatened to sick her personal injury lawyer, nicknamed “The Hydroxy” on Corona. “The Hydroxy will take you out before you see him coming!” Then Remy told their boss about Corona sucking on her neck, and the boss thundered, “You’re fired!” Corona flew into a rage. He pretended to leave the room, but shape-shifted into a puffed-up sphere, full of barbed spikes and his one twisted horn. He bounced across dust motes in the air and stuck himself to the inside of Remy’s right nostril. The next time she breathed in, he planned to slither down through Remy’s air tubes all the way to her lungs and her heart, leaving painful twisted spikes all the way down. She’ll be sorry for getting me fired, Corona thought. Just then Remy sneezed, and when she did, Corona lost his grip and flew across the room, right into the vat of Modernavax they’d been testing. He quickly shape shifted back to his horned bat shape, then flew up to the boss’s straw-colored combover, flapped his wings to dry himself, and hissed loudly. The room went wild with screams and people hitting at Corona with their hands, their brief cases, and the squiggle straws they’d been sipping GOYA Green with. All this attention, made Corona feel important and he landed on a few more heads, flapping and hissing some more. After some more flying about, he happened to look up at his reflection in the windowpane, and to his surprise, his horn was perfectly straight, just like all the other bats in Sarsville! In fact, he thought he was a very, very beautiful horned bat. Could it be the Modernavax bath had straightened his horn? He thought maybe it had. Now he could go back to Sarsville with a straight horn—no one would make fun of him again. Corona was suddenly homesick. He snatched a squiggle straw from Remy’s hand and took a huge swig of GOYA Green. He could feel himself growing stronger and stronger—strong enough to break through a window and wing his way back to Sarsville at Warp Speed. Corona never bothered the humans again. The End --Janice
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