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From the Latin, meaning to seize or grasp: originally quick to seize new ideas, perceptive, intelligent. (I liked that definition!) Later in the 1600’s it evolved to mean: to grasp mentally a fear of what is to come. A good word for this week. On Monday my breast started aching. I called to schedule an overdue mammogram. The woman at Hillcrest (where I’ve had them done for 2 decades) asked if I had any pain. I answered yes, and she told me I had to get a doctor’s order to have a diagnostic mammogram. So I called my doctor and she told me she had to see me first, because a few weeks ago I also had some leakage. But I wanted to have this done right away, so she said she’d send the order right away. The next afternoon, as no one had called me for an appointment, I called Hillcrest 3 times and finally found out that they never received it. I called my doctor, and the nurse had sent it to St. Francis instead of Hillcrest. Then I called Hillcrest back, and that scheduler actually called my doctor and got the order. But here’s the problem: They couldn’t get me in for 2 weeks at Hillcrest. So I called my doctor back and had her send it again to St. Francis to see if I could get an earlier appt. Can you hear behind the words that I was a bit APPREHENSIVE? My sister has had breast cancer twice, 2 different kinds of breast cancer, and my mom had breast cancer at the age I am now. So I called St. Francis and they gave me an appt for the next morning. I didn’t sleep well that night, and I got to the appt early. I knew I would be getting a mammogram, smashing my sore breast against the xray machine. No problem. I knew I’d be getting an ultrasound, wondering all the time what she was seeing. No problem. I knew the doctor would have to come in the room and look for himself. No problem. I figured I’d be getting a biopsy. No problem, I’d done that before. But both my doctor and my husband told me I’d probably have to have a ductogram, where they would inject dye into the breast to see where the leakage came from, or if they were clogged. APPREHENSIVE! So the doctor comes in the room and tells me it is not cancer. It is a very large cyst, and he needs to squeeze it hard all over to see if any more fluid comes out. It does. No problem. I was so relieved it wasn’t cancer I didn’t care what else they did to me. Doctor tells me he needs to insert a syringe and draw out the fluid in the cyst. Ok I said. Just do it. Only needed a few shots of lydocaine, and then he did the job, which took only a few minutes. And it was over! Still sore, but who cares. I fought the APPREHENSION at every level by singing “Jesus the Light of the World” in my head. And at one point I even felt surrounded by the light. --Cynthia
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January 2022
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